humor with some nudity, honesty, ketchup, police and the holy bible----Hope u guys enjoy a good laugh .. :)

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead
of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the
back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom
to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to
my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held
it up and said with a charming little smile, "We
better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in
the toilet a few days ago.

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OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents."

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KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out
of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so
she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother.. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to
you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

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MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room
burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?"

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POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl
about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,
she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and
continued writing the report. "My mother said if I
ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then,"
she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would
you please tie my shoe?"

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POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little
boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled,
the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the
van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

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ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered,"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

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DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she
warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And
why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you
a headache the
next morning."

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DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son
was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the
Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn .....and into the hole
he gooooes."

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SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her
mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't
let me talk!"

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BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found", the boy called out." What have you got there,
dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!

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