the happening airline

Namastay,Aadab,Sat Sri Akal,welcome Ladies and Gentlemen:

This is your Captain Shah Jee welcoming you to Latest Airlines. We
apologize for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba.

This is flight no. 9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to U Know Where. Landing in
U Know Where is not guaranteed, but with luck we may even be landing
directly on your city.

LA has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so well known that even fully trained terrorists and
hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year
over 90% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the
ones that don't quite make it, LA staff has all the requisite
experience for consoling the next-of-kin.

Our Hostess Ms. Billo will be happy to brief you on our
out-of-court settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for
you, on passenger request, we can turn them off for your
convenience.

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we
serve complimentary tea and biscuits.For our religious passengers,
we are the only airline who can help you quickly find out whether
God really exists.

We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie
will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But
we will be flying right next to anotehr airline, where their movie
will be visible from the right side cabin windows. These windows
have been removed for your viewing convenience. For passengers with
sight problems, we have also put a pair of binoculars under your
seat.

As per the rules, smoking is not allowed in LA flights.
Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on
the engines telling us to slow down.

Life jackets are placed under your seats and free
bathing costumes are made available for the aunties and swimming
trunks for the uncles, for emergency water landings on any of our
five rivers.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position
for take off and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find
a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat.

And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not
hesitate to get in touch with Billo for your arrangement to sit on
the bathroom seat. If you do sit there,please do not flush
frequently because it may result in shortage of water we require for
your tea.

by the way, I won't be flying with you today because I
have to attend to my nephew's wedding and i need to performa specLAl
bhaangra. But co-pilot Captain Sher Jawaan will have wireless
access to me in case he needs flying instructions from time to time.

For an extra 500 rupees or two tandoori chickens, our
attendant Billo will allow you to come forward and occupy the
captain's seat in the cockpit for 5 minutes each, for an
extraordinary view.

Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Latest Airlines. Thank
you.