A few aviation jokes for the new fliers

Airline Humour
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped,turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the F/A, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Heard during a passenger briefing prior to departure..."There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aeroplane..."
And, after landing..."Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing... San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.





Military Humour"In a hurry are we, sir?":Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads. The 'boys in blue,' upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Harrier's target acquisition computer had locked on to the 'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack. Luckily(?), the Harrier was operating unarmed. Submitted by 'Mr Merlin', Sydney, Australia.