A few more of aviation jokes

How was that?:A couple of TAC pilots were flying F-102's in escort with a B-36 bomber and were chinning with the pilot of the bomber to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding that their planes made for more interesting flying because of their manueverability, acceleration and the like. The B-36 pilot replied "Yeh? Well this old girl can do a few tricks you guys can't even touch." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Watch," he tells them. After several minutes the bomber pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about?" Reply, "Well, I went for a little stroll, got a cup of coffee and went downstairs for a chat with the navigator."


"Beam me up Scottie."
:The loadmaster on a USAF C-130 was invited to take the engineer's seat for awhile. He started jabbering away, not realizing that he was trans- mitting on Uniform instead of over the ICS: LM: "Hey, this is great! I see why you engineers like this seat so much -- you can see everything from here! This is just like the starship Enterprise! All ahead, Mr. Sulu, warp factor ten!" Followed shortly afterward by: ATC: "You wanna get back on intercom, Captain Kirk? You're transmitting on my frequency!"

General Aviation Humour
Several planes were running up and waiting to take off, many Cessnas including a 337. With all the students and several similar call signs, the controllers were getting a tad confused. The controller finally asked: "Cessna 123YZ, are you the Skymaster?"A slightly confused voice with an indeterminate accent replied, after a moment: "Well, my instructor says that I am very good, but I do not think that I would yet be considered the 'Skymaster'. Submitted by 'Mr Merlin', Sydney, Australia.

ATC Humour
Sometimes ATC can be a little too rapid in their rate of speech...
DCA clearance delivery responded to a request for an IFR clearance with a rapid-fire clearance that went on and on, with various VORs, fixes, altitudes, etc. After a pause, a voice came back, in a slow Texas drawl,OK, now why don't you'all say that again, real slow, as if it mattered.
A pilot was attempting to deal with New York, and the controller shot everything out a mile a minute. The pilot came back with "New York, you hear how fast I'm a-talkin'? Well, that's how fast I'm a-listnin'".
Another pilot obtaining a clearance from the Trenton controller who shot back "Trenton, you can repeat that, oh, about ten times. Or you can say it again once... slowly." Submitted by 'Mr Merlin', Sydney, Australia.

ATC: "Alpha Bravo Charlie... Say altitude."Pilot (feeling frisky): "Altitude."ATC: "Say ALTITUDE!"Pilot: "ALTITUDE!"ATC: "Say 'Canceling IFR'."Pilot: "Level 8000"
Pilot to Tower: "Can you give me a rough time-check?"Tower: "It´s Tuesday, Sir"
ATC: "DAA - What are your intentions? "Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilot Licence and Instrument Rating." ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes, not years."

The 10 most common aviation lies.

1. I have no interest in flying for the airlines

2. All that turbulence spoiled my landing

3. I broke out right at minimums.

4. We shipped the part yesterday

5. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong

6. I've got the traffic in sight

7. Of course I know where we are

8. If we get a little lower I'm sure we'll break through

9. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons

10. The other instructor told me to do it like that

How do you know if a pilot is at your party? He'll tell you.
Cabin announcement. "Folks, we have someone celebrating his 65th birthday today by taking his first flight." {round of applause follows} "So on your way off the plane, be sure & stop by the cockpit and wish Capt. Jones a Happy Birthday."

Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement" Pilot: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?" Tower: "At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 to make a three sixty (a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a one-eighty in this aeroplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange Between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing: Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"The British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and stopped.Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."Ground (with impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."